Season 1: Pregnancy

Do I even want children? Well... we let the universe decide and it got us pregnant in September of 2014. So many new experiences came up while being pregnant that I couldn't help but track them. Everything from body image issues, to a newfound paranoia about getting sick, to staying clear of chemicals, to worrying myself sick that I would lose the baby all the time. Amongst my insanity we made many decisions like planning for a home birth and how we would sleep. This has become "Season 1". But it all goes to shit in the second season (i.e., after the baby was born). But it was truly an experience being pregnant and thinking that I could actually prepare myself for the complete unknown of being a mom!

Are You Trying? A Case of Mental Infertility

When I was young - growing up and during my 20s - I just assumed that I was going to have children. Or rather, it was just a common expectation around me and many of my friends.

Taking Charge of My Fertility

In November of 2012 I told my family doctor that we were starting to try to get pregnant. She immediately referred me to a local fertility clinic because I had just turned 37.

Failing at Being A Woman

For those trying to get pregnant, the process of conceiving can invoke many feelings of failure and a fear of those feelings. 

Pregnancy Cured My Anxiety

The first thing that I felt was this incredible feeling of calmness. It took over my body. It was amazing. I had only felt this intense calmness two other times in my life. 

I Guess My Body Wanted to Be Nauseous 

I experienced a lot of nausea during my first trimester. And by a lot, I mean it was not just morning sickness. It was present 24-hrs a day, for most of my pregnancy,

My Thyroid Saved Me

When you’re pregnant, the internet is not your friend. I remember one night, early on during my pregnancy (< 8 weeks) when I was awake at 1 am reading the science on thyroid hormones and infant intelligence.

I Never Knew I would Share my Body and Brain With My Baby

I happened upon some interesting research showing that a baby’s DNA left over from pregnancy can be detected in the mama’s brain throughout the mother's lifetime.

Trust My Body

One of the things that is hard to explain to anyone who has never experienced the nausea of pregnancy is the eating habits of a pregnant woman. 

Refusing My Ultrasounds

I do think our casual use of US should be reflected upon and studied in order to inform ourselves of potential negative consequences of US.  

Stay away! I'm pregnant.

I was ridiculously obsessed with all the toxins and viruses that were in my space and wanted them to go far, far away.

Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?

Gender, pertains to the sex the person identifies with and represents a cognitive construct or “what I feel to be”. Gender is something people get to claim for themselves, regardless of what they look like.

I'm Baaaaaack!

I must be out of the first trimester. Just like that. I was surged with extra energy, like other women had promised. I felt alive and capable.

Body Image of a Newborn:

I wish we could all look at ourselves and each other like how newborns and mothers look at each other. Every problem of humanity would be solved. 

Body Monologue: My Boobs

I have never been in love with my boobs. They have always felt too small and pointy. When I did get pregnant, I watched as they got a bigger… but they never rounder. I still didn't like them.

Genetic Testing 

I got pregnant when I was 38... and I knew the stats: I was more at risk of having a baby with chromosomal disorder, namely Trisomy 21, 18, and 13. But good thing I married a younger man. 

Episode 16:

Fear of Fainting… And then It Happened At the Dentists

Episode 17:

Hypnobirthing and Mental Prep For Labour